I've just discovered that though I ceased harbouring bitterness in my heart last week, I still had the issue of unforgiveness. Could it be possible? Not being bitter while being unforgiving ? Well, I've just discovered that though I thought I have forgiven caspian for being untrue to his promise before, I lost all trust in him. So whenever he tells me something or commits to something, I always expect the opposite. I'm still actually having a dilemma if what I have conditioned my mind to believe is wrong or right.
I'm having two conflicting ideas in my mind right now and I have yet to choose between them: First is that forgiving is not synonymous to forgetting. Like when someone murders your whole family, you can forgive him for what he did (which could be unlikely but is a must in many cases) but you can never forget what he did to your family, hence you'll be careful next time. Or if someone steals a precious thing from you, you can forgive him but you'll never show him any valuable possession next time. That looks fair to me...
But then I've just heard a lecture about justification lately, that when God justifies us, He completely erases the past sins that we committed. It means that it will be treated as if it never happened or it was never committed. Since I am a Christian and I am aiming to be Christ-like, I have to think like Him. So does it mean that I also have to forget and not be careful next time? I'm really confused.
I think I need to pray for this first :) *************************************************
However, I also discovered that I might be harboring bitterness against Reepicheep. I have just observed that he had been very judgemental towards his brothers including me during the past weeks. He called things that we did as cheap. I can understand that he may think more maturely than us, but to push his ways on us and be antipathetic to our ways without inquiring about our rationale first was too much. I withdrew fellowship from him for a while so as not to hurt him verbally because honestly, I also got exasperated with his recent actions, especially when I've learned that he scolded Trufflehunter and branded what we did as cheap without my knowledge. Though I tried to restore our relationship last night when I went to their abode, I still felt heavy.
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Trumpkin was right... The Silver chair was not as good as the other books, but it was still worth reading. I only got 2 chapters more to read and i'll be off reading the horse and his boy --- I can't wait!
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MD [well i'm planning to give him a new code later but i still can't think of any] showed a bit of melancholy last night. I'm glad he's starting to open up though I still think he didn't want anyone to notice.
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Bagilu and I had a very long chat last night. I learned a lot of secrets --- [evil grin]
********** Matthew 6:11-15 11Give us today our daily bread. 12Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.[a]' 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
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